I think the second sentence is unnecessary, but if it really needs to be spelled out, it could have been tucked into the sentence rather than added as a weak passive sentence: “Fervently trying to see Mrs. Instead of “show, don’t tell,” this is like telling us after showing us. “Heather stood on tiptoes and dodged back and forth to see over the shoulder of the tall, swaying rabbit in front of her.
‘Yes, and I see this surprises you.'” Seriously? Better would have been something like, “Heather asked, eyes wide and eyebrows raised.” Then, “Yes, and I see this surprises you.” “They looked angry, or most of them did” could have been stronger simply as, “Most of them looked angry.” But if he can trust them with words like salination, sagacity, and discomfiture, I think they can handle unsheath.
Perhaps Smith didn’t think young readers would know what “unsheath” means. “With one hand he unsheathed his blade, launching it from its sheath toward Uncle Wilfred, who caught it by its hilt.” “From its sheath” could have been left out, making it a much stronger sentence – unsheathing it means taking it from its sheath. The very same mistake occurs at the beginning of the next chapter: “Then he dug in with both oars, and they shot forward.” Then there was the case of a confusing pronoun: “The oars bit hard into the water, and they shot forward.” Makes it sound like the oars shot forward rather than the boat. I don’t think that many are needed, but some variance would help. That stood out more in the audio because the conversation tags are read with a different voice than the conversation. There’s a lot of he said, she said, Heather said, Picket said, Wilfred said, etc. Then Wilfred says, “So how about I give you a bit of the rundown on things?” And I am thinking, “OK, you just said that, but yes, go ahead.” For instance, in a boat ride with Heather, Picket, Wilfred, and Smalls, Wilfred tells the children, “How about I give you the quick and almost unsatisfactory version” of what was going on. I think mainly the writing just needs to be tightened up a bit. I am not sure if that’s because it lends itself better to being read than listened to or if I was already familiar with it, so certain things did not then stand out. I bought and looked back through the Kindle version after listening to the audio, and the things that bothered me while listening didn’t stand out so much while reading. I tend to enjoy “coming of age during adversity” type stories generally. I’ve seen it compared to Narnia, and though there are similarities, I think such a comparison helps set up those lofty expectations and the resulting letdown. I think when expectations are so high, that can actually set one up for disappointment. I was expecting to be wowed, and maybe that’s the biggest problem with why I wasn’t. But when it came up for sale as an audiobook, I figured, why not? I follow The Story Warren, where Smith is a regular contributor, so I saw all the announcements there when the book came out, but I still wasn’t particularly inclined to read it. Lewis that a good children’s story should appeal to adults, too. I don’t read children’s stories other than classics often, though I agree with C. When injustices or suffering occur, they comfort themselves with the saying, “It shall not be so in the Mended Wood.” Meanwhile discord threatens the community, and Heather and Picket struggle to find their place, especially when they learn their family’s history with the king. While rabbit forces are training to fight the wolves, rabbit artisans and workmen are keeping their skills honed for a time when the heir of their fallen king will rise up and claim his place and lead them to a season of peace. They see and hear evidences of other wolf attacks. Their uncle, Wilfred, and Smalls take them to a community of rabbits hidden away. Not knowing where their parents are and being spotted by wolves, they try for a harrowing escape, being rescued at the last minute by an uncle they didn’t know they had and his adopted son, Smalls. Heather and Picket are shooed out to pick berries, but while they are gone, their home is attacked by wolves and burned. Brother and sister Heather and Picket live a normal (for storybook rabbits), almost idyllic life with their parents and baby brother until one day when a mysterious stranger comes to talk with their parents. Smith is a children’s story about rabbits.
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